Sunday, February 17, 2013

IT Puts The Lotion On The Skin

I've been promising to share my stalker story for a while now. I'm a slacker, what can I say? But I'm here now. So gather around, and let me tell you about the man who wanted to wear my skin....Silence of The Lambs style.

If you're fabulous, you probably follow me on on Twitter. If you're not, you should.

For a few weeks, I noticed a Twat who was engaging me in conversation. Not really odd on Twitter. Especially considering my avi. @MMCLovin was (I say was, because he may or may not be buried in my backyard now.) a decent guy. He agreed with my politics, complimented me, and made idle chit chat. So far, so good.

Then he heard me on Getting Hammered Radio. (You guys MUST check this show out. Stevie J. West AND Stephen Hamilton equals awesomeness.)

Anyway, after this freak show heard me on the radio he apparently lost his shit and the stalking began. He found out where I lived and told me he wanted to come take me on "our first date." No stranger to off color remarks on Twitter, I politely told him I was married and there would be no first date for him. Pro tip, turning a whackadoodle down really pisses them off. 

Now, it's one thing that this crazed maniac googled me, called my house, and thought we'd go on a date. But when he told me he wanted to watch me bleed & wear my skin, I'll admit I got a wee bit nervous. Then reality hit me.

While my Twitter avi indicates that I'm just some ditz with a pair of fake tits, what you don't know is I can shoot ANY gun with extreme accuracy. So, I invited him over. His reply:

While I'm sure Major McFreakshow is really about 5'4" and living in his mother's basement, I squealed with hysteria. You see, Mr. Boobs is 6'4"......and has an itchy trigger finger.

Fortunately for me, between my Twitter mafia and some close friends willing to call my stalker-he seemed to get a little nervous and go off the grid. Maybe he's following under another name, maybe he's living next door, or perhaps he's buried under the Popular tree in my backyard with my deceased pets. I'll never tell.

Have you ever dealt with a stalker? How did you handle it?

Friday, February 1, 2013

Wanna Get Hammered?

New Boobs, new blog! Tune in tonight to Getting Hammered Radio with the delicious, Stevie J. West & smooth talking, Steve Hamilton. (Because I'll be on with them!) That's a whole lot of cleavage, and one lucky Steve!